Dear Darcy: Dealing with a nasty mother-in-law puts damper on the holidays.

Dear Darcy,

The holidays are approaching and it is something I do not look forward to when it comes to my in-laws.

We only see them during the holidays and a few more times during the year.

My mother-in-law does not like me and it does not matter what I do to try and love her, all I get in return are snide remarks.

Why would I sit home and let her son do all the working? I am home with 4 kids! Her son wants me to stay home!

This is just one example of what she is unhappy with. To top everything off, my husband does not take up for me.

I really want to be her friend and even more I want her to love me.

- Alone for the holidays

Dear Alone,

This is one of the most common problems I hear during the holiday season, so you are not alone.

Your mother-in-law sounds very unhappy. Try sitting down with her and sharing your hurts in a caring voice. Take her to lunch and have a talk with her.

Let her know how her comments make you feel.

Kill her with kindness. I have seen this work a million times over.

As far as your husband not taking up for you, well, men can be oblivious to these things and may not hear what you hear.

Encourage him to talk with his mother. He should be siding with his wife.

Then, be determined to enjoy the holidays – and do it.

Dear Darcy,

I don’t have many friends. One that I consider to be my best friend, only calls when she needs something.

She calls me to watch her children and I think I may be her “last resort” friend. You know, the one you call when no one else can go.

When I want or need her help, she is never available.

We only do things when she does the asking. At times I want to say no to watching her kids or picking them up from school but I feel obligated because she knows I’m not busy.

Neither of us work outside the home.

I really enjoy being around her and I enjoy her friendship, but I can’t figure out why she will not do things with me or for me when I ask. Please, help!

- Needing a friend in Texas

Dear Needing a friend,

It sounds like your “friend” is taking advantage of you.

First, it’s never wrong to say no. Doing this the next couple of times she asks for a favor will likely send her a message.

If she’s a true friend, she will stick around and change her ways. If she’s not, you will find out soon enough.

Meanwhile, get out there and make some new ones! There are tons of ways to get involved and meet other like-minded women.

Get involved at your child’s school, join a civic organization, volunteer for Meals on Wheels or Habitat for Humanity.

Join an exercise group!

There are lots of women just like you who need a good friend. Get out there and find them.

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